Why is it I try to assess what Mom remembers and what she has forgotten every time I talk with her? Is it because like every other family I've ever talked with, I'm hoping to find evidence that I'm wrong? That all that is going on is normal aging? This week, our family pets have seemed to be compiled into one. Lest you think we were a family of animal hoarders and there were too many to remember, in my 50 years, there were 5 cats including the 2 current ones and 2 inherited from me, and 4 dogs, 2 of which lived for 20 years. My brother noticed the same thing several weeks ago. One of the cats they inherited from me when I had my first child became our childhood pet during the conversation with my brother. Or it is that she is not able to remember their names? She is having trouble with words, the aphasia they talk about with dementia. She will use descriptions instead of the noun, I think because she can't find the word. But why do I obsess about what is lost? No matter if I figure out why, I will still not be able to change what is happening.
I find myself as the daughter, reminding myself to follow the advice of myself the professional. If I focus on the negative, what she has lost, it won't change the disease. I know deep down it is dementia. And like every other family, I desperately hope I'm wrong. But if I focus on the negative, I will lose the positive. And there is the whole reason for this blog in the first place. No matter what I know after 30 years of professional experience in long term care and working with people with dementia, when it hits home and becomes personal, I am the same as every other family dealing with this illness. Now I just need to remind myself to focus on the positive. Focus on what is still there. Write down what I want to remember for the future, for my kids future. What you focus on it what you will find. Let me focus on the positive.
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