Ignorance can be Bliss

He knows.  My Dad knows Mom does have dementia.  He doesn't come out and say it.  We live 800 miles away, so we talk by phone.  I can't see his face, only hear what he is saying.  He tells me "she is going to talk to someone".  What does that mean?  Evidently he was trying to talk in code to tell me Mom has an appointment with the psychiatrist.  Dad says he thinks it is to establish a baseline.  A baseline, there it is, we all know it will decline.  I wonder if he speaks in code trying to spare her feelings about this disease that she watched her mother deal with as well as a several close friends?

I wonder if he knows that this will be the most difficult thing he will ever deal with?  More difficult than a poor farm boy working his way through college.  More difficult than raising a family.  More difficult than owning your own business and then having it fail.  Although he watched my grandmother, that was 20 years ago.  Maybe the memories have faded over the years.  Maybe it is a blessing if they have.  I want to tell him how difficult it will be so he will agree to move to where we are so I can be there to help.  But maybe, like with our lives when God only lets us see the present and not be overwhelmed by what will come in the future, maybe it is better for him to see only one day at a time.

I hope the psychiatrist visit is to start her on medication.  Was that the "right" decision, for me to push the issue so she can start medication and have a chance of a longer period of functioning?  I tell my brother, I almost wish she was still pissed at me.  When she was mad at me, she knew that I thought there was a problem with her memory and she was insulted.  Now she sees no problem when she doesn't remember which one of them had a doctor's visit the day before.  My only hope is that for once, maybe I will actually pray for wisdom from God and listen to it and not go off on what I think I know.  Which as time goes on seems to be less and less.  Yes I "know" lots about the disease, what happens to people.  But I am learning to have much more compassion and empathy for the families I talk to.  There are no easy or right answers when it comes to this illness and how to proceed.  But then isn't that what the Bible tells us, that God gives us trials in order for us to learn compassion and give encouragement to others?

It Sucks to Be Right

Well this week was the testing my Mom was to do for her memory.  Fortunately for me, she has forgotten that my report to the doctor was what initiated the testing. Since she had the stroke at Thanksgiving, she believes the testing is to see if there have been any effects from the stroke.  My Dad is the one who told me it was the original testing scheduled.  I called earlier this week and she was really grumpy, saying they had to go to doctor's appointments every day this week and it was too much.  In my follow up call this weekend, she slipped and said she still has one more appointment, the psychiatrist.  Now I know from working in assisted living, there are only two reasons to see a psychiatrist, symptoms of mental illness or symptoms of dementia.

Even though I am the one that has been telling everyone over and over I think she has dementia, the validation by the medical community means it is not just in my mind.  It was like a punch to the stomach.  I have a family member at the assisted living who is a doctor and his wife is with us because she has early dementia.  I see every week how he is in such denial.  Here I am doing the same thing with my mother.  It sure gives you empathy for others.  I think everyone hopes against hope it isn't dementia.  The knowledge it is dementia is another of the losses in this very long terminal illness.  At least now maybe she can start medication, a great reason to be going to the psychiatrist.  On to the next step.