Ignorance can be Bliss

He knows.  My Dad knows Mom does have dementia.  He doesn't come out and say it.  We live 800 miles away, so we talk by phone.  I can't see his face, only hear what he is saying.  He tells me "she is going to talk to someone".  What does that mean?  Evidently he was trying to talk in code to tell me Mom has an appointment with the psychiatrist.  Dad says he thinks it is to establish a baseline.  A baseline, there it is, we all know it will decline.  I wonder if he speaks in code trying to spare her feelings about this disease that she watched her mother deal with as well as a several close friends?

I wonder if he knows that this will be the most difficult thing he will ever deal with?  More difficult than a poor farm boy working his way through college.  More difficult than raising a family.  More difficult than owning your own business and then having it fail.  Although he watched my grandmother, that was 20 years ago.  Maybe the memories have faded over the years.  Maybe it is a blessing if they have.  I want to tell him how difficult it will be so he will agree to move to where we are so I can be there to help.  But maybe, like with our lives when God only lets us see the present and not be overwhelmed by what will come in the future, maybe it is better for him to see only one day at a time.

I hope the psychiatrist visit is to start her on medication.  Was that the "right" decision, for me to push the issue so she can start medication and have a chance of a longer period of functioning?  I tell my brother, I almost wish she was still pissed at me.  When she was mad at me, she knew that I thought there was a problem with her memory and she was insulted.  Now she sees no problem when she doesn't remember which one of them had a doctor's visit the day before.  My only hope is that for once, maybe I will actually pray for wisdom from God and listen to it and not go off on what I think I know.  Which as time goes on seems to be less and less.  Yes I "know" lots about the disease, what happens to people.  But I am learning to have much more compassion and empathy for the families I talk to.  There are no easy or right answers when it comes to this illness and how to proceed.  But then isn't that what the Bible tells us, that God gives us trials in order for us to learn compassion and give encouragement to others?