This week, one situation brings to mind 2 thoughts. Ever since reading the book "1000 Gifts" by Anna Voskamp, I've tried to cultivate an attitude of gratitude for the many blessings I have that get overlooked. The research says doing so makes people happier. As devastating as the diagnosis of dementia is, there are blessings if you look for them.
I worked for 4 years in the hospice field. Not my calling, but as with everything God has placed in my life, a valuable learning experience. I learned that knowing your time on earth is short allows you to take care of unfinished business sometimes. A gift those who die without warning don't have. So one of the things I hear my mom express regret about is the break in the relationship between her and her only sibling, her brother. Now the reason for the break is obvious. He was a jerk and trying to grab more than his share of the fruits of my grandparents lives. Yet I can only imagine what it must feel like to be estranged from the one other person in the world that is your blood family. So here I identify gift #1- my brothers and I have good relationships.
Pretty much out of the blue, my middle brother gets the opportunity to make contact with our uncle in a way where my brother can try to negotiate reconciliation if possible, without subjecting our mother to more emotional heartbreak. Gift #2 & #3- God works in mysterious ways, but His ways are perfect. This brother has the right skills to be the person to handle this contact and the opportunity was presented to him. So he will pursue contact and see if reconciliation is an option. That, of course, would be gift #4, but we will have to wait to see what happens. Gift #5, having the opportunity while she is still able to resolve what might be unfinished business. It occurs to me as I write this that we would all be wise to take note. Not everyone has the opportunity to know their time might be short. We would all be wise to look for areas of unfinished business in our own lives and work to resolve them if possible. Secondly, I better take note and work to do all I can to make sure I keep a good relationship with my own brothers. Thank you God for sharing your wisdom with my and for sharing it in little bits that my finite mind can comprehend at one time.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Hero of the week
What one milestone signals the reaching of adulthood more than getting your driver's license? I would say nothing. No wonder telling an elder they should no longer drive is such a cause for relationship problems and self concept problems for the elder. And how dare the whipper snapper whose diapers you changed dare now try to tell you what you should or should not do. I have seen over the years how this one topic has been a root of serious relationship problems between a parent and a child.
So my hat is off this week to the doctors with the courage to be the ones to tell an elder they should not drive. About a month ago, my mother's doctor told her she should not be driving. After the psychological testing was complete, she told my mother in no uncertain terms she should no longer drive. My mother thinks it is related to her stroke and she thinks it is not permanent. And there is no point in telling her it is permanent. All that matters is that she knows at this point in time she should not drive. My mother was somewhat taken aback at how "stern" the doctor was in making her point. Good for her! I explained to my mother how you could stand to lose everything you had worked for in your life if you don't take the doctor's determination seriously. Fortunately my mother follows the advice of the experts.
Over the years I have seen how much more difficult it is for a man to give up driving. The loss of independence, of being strong & self sufficient is extremely hard on the self concept of men. This week I had a new resident go out driving 2 days in a row and get lost. Thank you, thank you, thank you to his doctor who immediately made the decision for the family and the resident that he should no longer drive. In the past, I've seen so many doctors opt out of that discussion, saying it is a family matter. Thank you to these 2 doctors who have the courage to do what is right, not only for the patient but for the community and ease the burden for the family. There are enough difficult decisions for the family to make. Thank you for being on the team and "taking the heat" for this very serious, very important issue.
So my hat is off this week to the doctors with the courage to be the ones to tell an elder they should not drive. About a month ago, my mother's doctor told her she should not be driving. After the psychological testing was complete, she told my mother in no uncertain terms she should no longer drive. My mother thinks it is related to her stroke and she thinks it is not permanent. And there is no point in telling her it is permanent. All that matters is that she knows at this point in time she should not drive. My mother was somewhat taken aback at how "stern" the doctor was in making her point. Good for her! I explained to my mother how you could stand to lose everything you had worked for in your life if you don't take the doctor's determination seriously. Fortunately my mother follows the advice of the experts.
Over the years I have seen how much more difficult it is for a man to give up driving. The loss of independence, of being strong & self sufficient is extremely hard on the self concept of men. This week I had a new resident go out driving 2 days in a row and get lost. Thank you, thank you, thank you to his doctor who immediately made the decision for the family and the resident that he should no longer drive. In the past, I've seen so many doctors opt out of that discussion, saying it is a family matter. Thank you to these 2 doctors who have the courage to do what is right, not only for the patient but for the community and ease the burden for the family. There are enough difficult decisions for the family to make. Thank you for being on the team and "taking the heat" for this very serious, very important issue.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Glad I'm not God
It's been a tough week at work. One of the residents that is in the middle to late stages of dementia fell and broke her hip. Broken hips are usually bad news. Elderly folks break a hip and frequently don't regain their previous level of functioning. Elderly people with dementia who go under anesthesia really don't fare well. So when I go to pray for this resident, what do you pray for? I'm so glad I'm not God. I can't possibly imagine what the best outcome is for this resident and her family. I would prefer to do what I feel I'm called to do in my own little corner of the world. I just hope what I do does make a difference.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)