"I wish it was like it used to be", she said with tears in her eyes. One of the assisted living resident's dementia is progressing and she will have to move to another level of care soon. Her family had talked with her about the move a couple days before. She has had periods of tearfulness throughout her stay with us. so it is hard to say whether she was speaking about the upcoming move, the loss of her husband, which we are not sure she actually understands, or where she is in her mind that has caused her to be upset.
As a 16 bed assisted living, we trim every possible expense by having me do as much as I am able. So most days find me running most of the day. This was one of those times that I knew I had to stop and just listen. Also because we are only 16 beds, it is easy to get attached to our residents, especially someone who has been with you for several years. Although I haven't yet read much about it, I like the premise of the Best Friends approach to dementia care. So in that spirit, we just sat together. I do where she was in her mind and she wasn't able to tell me. But as a friend would do, we just sat together. It's days like these that I love my job, yet find it very taxing. Did I make a difference? I don't know. but I do know it was the right thing to do at the time. And with such a daunting task, I guess that is the best I can hope for.
I wish it was like it used to be too. I wish I was wrong about my mother. I wish she was still the witty, well-read, debate a topic on a minute's notice person that raised me. I wish she was still the caretaker and I was the care receiver. But it's not. Right or wrong, just or unfair, this is the hand we've been dealt. I pray for the strength to move forward and continue to do the right thing, both at work and with my family. But maybe I will take time now and again to remember how it used to be and to savor those memories. Hopefully not to dwell on the loss, but to remember with thanks all I've been given.
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