Yesterday, the family of my resident that recently had to move to a specialty care assisted living stopped by to thank us for the care we provided and tell us how she is doing in her new home. By the time she left us, she was the lowest functioning resident and that fact really stood out. Her family talked about how at the specialty care facility, all the residents have similar needs and function at a similar level. "They are all like babies", was the description. I could see the loss in their eyes and it reminded me of what I have to face in the future.
I have always been terrible about rushing through, trying to get to the end of the journey. During school, I wanted to hurry up and graduate and get a job. When my children were little, I wanted them to grow up. I realized when the youngest graduated, how I had wasted their youth being in a hurry. I still have regret that I did not slow down and enjoy the journey with them more. Now I find myself in a similar situation. I know better than anyone else in my family what is coming. I have watched the progression of the illness in strangers for 30 years. I could easily become overwhelmed with loss at this point. Like with my children, I could become so focused on the end of the journey that I miss out on what is still available.
I believe God places events and situations in our lives to allow us to grow step by step. I am still trying to forgive myself for wasting my children's youth, being in a hurry. Yet I hope that experience can be a lesson and reminder to me in this situation. Let me take advantage of what abilities and the relationship that is still here. The time will come soon enough to face the losses, but let me not get so far ahead in the future that I miss the present. What a blessing it is to be human and to be able to learn from our mistakes so as not to repeat them. Thank God for His guidance and teaching.
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