Stress of Caregiving Up Close and Personal

I have read the statistics on the Alzheimer's Association website about how spouse caregivers especially have health issues develop correlated with their caregiving.  Of course it is difficult to say, spouses are also elderly and may have developed health problems anyway.  But I have seen 2 examples this past week.  The very first 2 members of the caregiver support group when it started 5 years ago have both now developed health problems themselves.  Both are the wives of men with dementia.  One has been caring for her husband in some capacity since 2007.  The other I know has been dealing with dementia for 5 years because she came to the first caregiver support group meeting.  They are both fairly young women, in their early 70's and were previously in pretty good health.  One has had a stroke in the last couple months.  She came to tour the assisted living for herself.  I think her stroke was a scare for the children and they are looking at options for the future.  The other will be having a heart procedure done in the next couple weeks because she has developed arythmia.

Both women have fair support systems.  Both have at least one child that provides some assistance and both have children who are long distance and unable to help.  Both have financial means for respite and other help.  Yet you can see that the day after day after day stress does accumulate.  Everyone is seems to be so down on facilities.  Yet here is the very reason why facility placement can be the best decision.  I have fresh, rested staff coming in every 8 hours.  I am fortunate to have very good staff.  One good thing about the horrible economy is that it is an employers market right now.  I know it is much more flashy and newsworthy to show the tiny percentage of facilities that are not doing a good job.  But is it really in the best interest of both parents for the person with dementia to always stay in the home?  I know some families have many more resources, children who are willing to not work and take shifts caring for the parent, money to hire sitters round the clock so everyone can sleep.  But not everyone has those resources.  And there are plenty of situations where there aren't the financial resources to pay for assisted living either and families have no other choice.

In all of this, I wish there was a way to show my dad the cumulative effects of caregiving over the long haul and convince him they need to move closer to me.  I am thinking now, I may have the 1 caregiver that I'm closest to talk to Dad if they come for Christmas.  I was having a hard time figuring out the logistics of getting my parents here safely.  My husband is a saint and offered to drive to get them and bring them here.  Dad feels he is perfectly fine to make the 12 hour drive on his own.  That part I guess we will play by ear.  But assuming my friend makes it through her heart procedure safely, I hope I can get my Dad to talk with her about the realities of long term caregiving.  In the meantime, I will pray for a safe and successful procedure for my friend.