Should- the most destructive word in the English language

I have frequently felt "beat up" by the word "should" in my adult life.  I should do more for my children.  I should put in more time at work.  I should put aside my own interests to support those of my husband, my children, my friends.  I'm sure I will continue to wrestle with realistic and unrealistic expectations of myself.  But I hate to see what that word can do to others.

I know my dad is not considering moving because he thinks he should be able to provide 100% of the care for my mom for ever.  And I know he feels that he shouldn't burden me or my brothers and our lives to help.  It doesn't matter that we would gladly be willing to be a part of the caregiving team.  I don't know that any of us will ever be able to make him see that.  That expectation is so firmly entrenched in his mind.

Then this week that word attacked again.  We had our monthly caregiver support group meeting.  One of the caregivers that is a role model for caregivers everywhere revealed her "should".  This woman has been caring for her husband since his diagnosis in 2007.  She does get sitters to give her 2 days off during the week to run errands and have time with her friends.  But other than those limited hours, she is providing 100% of his care 24 hours a day.  Not only that but with an unbelievable attitude.  So at the support group meeting she says she feels like she should still be taking her husband to church.  She doesn't because the effort involved to get him ready and there has become monumental.  And again, she could be a role model for other caregivers, yet she beats herself up because she thinks she should still be doing more.

Maybe this has given me an idea for the next caregiver support group.  Maybe we should talk about all those "shoulds" that are so damaging to people.  It is one thing to deal with it myself.  But it truly breaks my heart to see someone who could be caregiver of the year, still feel they aren't doing enough.  I pray that in the next couple weeks, God will reveal what I can do to help caregiver's not be so hard on themselves.