I think guilt must be the one constant when you are a caregiver. Are you doing enough, are you doing the "right things", should you be doing something different? My guilt this week involves how different it is as a family member compared to being a professional. I can listen to assisted living residents tell the same stories over and over and have patience unlimited. But when my mom starts to launch into the same stories I've heard over and over, my patience wears thin. Then I feel guilty. I've told family members a hundred times that things are different when it is your family that has dementia, even if you have lots of experience with others. And I see first hand how true that is.
My mom is a talker. She has a tremendous need to talk a lot, the typical extrovert. This was true before her memory started to slip. Now that she doesn't remember she has already told you the story, a lot means for hours at a time. I am not a talker and I need quiet to recharge. So every week when I call, I hear the same stories over and over for an hour or so. I get annoyed and then I feel guilty. I know in my mind I should be thankful. We are in the early stages, she is still able to carry on a conversation, she still knows who I am. So how do I fix this? In my devotion time this morning I'm reading how sometimes God allows us experiences, some would call trials, that enable us to comfort others as He comforts us in our trials. I can tell you that I certainly understand better how the most intelligent, health care professionals can function just the same as the average man on the street when it is their family member that develops dementia. Maybe that is the lesson to be learned?
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