Wisdom

Something about turning half a century old, you start looking at things in a different light.  I was attending Lenten services at church the other evening and it came to me in a flash, this is what is important in the grand scheme of things.  They say in youth there is knowledge but with age comes wisdom.  In my younger years, I was like everyone else, focused on the values and success as defined by the world.  As I get older, I realize those things that matter for eternity are more important.  The things that are really important are relationships.

I have always been so goal oriented and task focused.  It took me a long time as a young manager to realize that you can't motivate people to work and get the job done without having some kind of relationship with them.  So on a Saturday when I am trying to get through my chore and to do list, I get a call from my Mom.  She is telling me about the psychiatrist visit this week.  From what I pieced together from previous conversations, he was doing some testing to get a baseline of where she is at.  How ridiculous to say out loud that I really have to work on stopping the chores and tasks and focus on the conversation.  I am thankful she decided to call and talk.  I'm thankful she cares enough to want to talk.

I see so much with the families of my residents at the assisted living.  Lots of different situations that have developed over the years.  As I move through this process myself, I am quick to remind myself not to judge anyone.  I can never know what happened in the past.  One of my special residents is declining.  I can see her needing more and more help because of her memory loss.  She has a mixed bag with family.  Several very dedicated children, one missing in action, and one somewhere in the middle.  I am so lucky that I know what is coming so I can take time now.  I could choose to fixate on what is lost.  Unable to think of the name of cosmetics she sold for 8 years, using words out of context, oh well.  I will choose to be happy to spend the time listening while I can.  And I'm getting new stories I haven't heard along with the ones I've heard over and over.  I know even though I've given her a notebook, she won't write them down, so I need to.

 I just wish I could impress upon one of my brothers how important it is to take the time now.  But how to do that without pissing him off and jeopardizing the relationship.  I've had enough people pissed off at me for insisting on seeing the doctor about the memory loss as it is.  But I would sure hate for him, or anyone to look back and say, I wish I had taken more time.  Once again, my roles collide.  If I was dealing with a resident family, I would focus on supporting the family in whatever way they are able to contribute.  Families have enough to deal with, working, their families, the past influencing the present.  I feel strongly one of the most important things I can do is to encourage.  Guess I have my answer.