When do you step in?

The three children have been having on-going discussions about the right for our parents to make their own decisions versus the help we would be able to give, if they were not so far away from all of us.  Dad has voiced that he believes in the "we take care of our own" philosophy.  Which would be great if there was a great support network in place for them where they are.  There isn't.  No family close by and I've seen it a million times, friends are well-meaning, but they have things happen in their own lives they have to take care of.  So for now, all three of us are resigned to not pushing them to move and trying to be as supportive as possible from far away.

But then you have a conversation like I did today.  Ironically, I was having Mom look for the Aricept I knew Dad told me last week the doctor had prescribed for her.  Dad was napping when the discussion first began or I would have asked him.  So she couldn't find it.  Dad woke up from his nap and got frustrated because she was looking in the wrong place.  Seems that for the first week, he has to halve the pills, so he has them in another place with the pill splitter.  Between her poor vision and poor memory, she really didn't have much of a chance to find it.  And so he yells.  To be honest, they were both yellers when we were kids.  And he has never been known for patience with people, with machines, yes, people, no.  During our discussion last week, it is pretty evident he is still very much in denial about what is going on.  So between not accepting and not understanding what is going on, coupled with his personality characteristics, as time and the disease go on, this is not going to be good.  She can't help the fact she is having trouble with her memory.  And her vision has always been poor, now in addition she has processing problems.

So I don't have any answers.  I just know I am going to have to stay tuned in and try to catch it before it gets bad.  I'm enjoying not being on the bad list right now.  No-one even remembers I was talking about memory problems before the stroke.  Everything is being blamed on the stroke now and I'm fine with that.  But I have to prepare myself that I will have to become unpopular again.  Just knowing Dad's personality, he will lose patience and frequently.  And she will not understand and that won't be any kind of quality of life.  So I guess I will live the one day at a time philosophy.  I'll enjoy not being on the bad list for now, knowing I will have to be put back on it at some point in the future.