Hard Won Insight

My week ended with a meeting requested by one of our assisted living family members.  When she called to set it up, I already had set my mind to dread it.  This is a family member I just can not seem to please.  Whenever she says anything to me, it is a complaint. Even when there might be the hint of a compliment, there is a "but" that goes with it to negate the compliment. We just can't seem to do things right for her.  Her personality is such that it comes across very forcefully and harsh.  I guess I am spoiled because what we usually hear from families is how great we are, how much they appreciate what we are doing. And of course that is what we all want to hear.

The night before, I was praying for strength and wisdom.  My response was such a clear message that this daughter very much wants to be in control and I needed to listen and respect that, I can't help but believe it was an answer to prayer.  I was reminded of the phrase Joyce Meyer uses so often, hurting people hurt others.  So while I still felt on the defensive and I know my body language was defensive, I at least went into the meeting with a better mindset than I would have otherwise.

During the meeting, this daughter pointed out all the ways her expectations had not been met.  And I could not disagree with any of them.  There was nothing that would endanger her father, but they were all valid complaints.  But the most striking theme for me that came through was her desire to be involved.  Many times we see families who are overwhelmed by the situation, taking care of mom or dad while working and taking care of their own families.  They are relieved when we, "the professionals" come in and handle things with mom or dad and relieve some of their pressure.  Yes this daughter has control issues, which I can see in myself as well.  But if I stop and put myself in her shoes and how I would feel if we were talking about my mother, I was much better able to see her point.  This is one family member that does not want the "professionals" to handle things and wants to be in control.

Although it certainly doesn't feel as good to have areas of growth pointed out to you as it does to get the praise of families, I left the message thankful for the opportunity to grow and to improve my team.  Yes, I wanted to sit in a dark room and cry somewhere for not having everything perfect, because I am a perfectionist.  But if I move past my own feelings and acknowledge her points, it will only help me improve care for residents and families.  I have never realized how much caring for families is just as important a part of my job as I have recently.

When I look at my life I am so amazed at how God really does have a perfect plan.  The crazy patchwork of jobs I have held over the past 25 years has perfectly prepared me to care for residents, supervise staff in a supportive manner, counsel families and community members and prepare me for my own family's needs.  And at the same time, my mother's illness is equipping me with the experience to be better at my job.  I have to keep reminding myself that spiritual, emotional and vocational growth is like exercise, when you exercise to improve your muscles, there is discomfort.  But that discomfort is a reminder that you are improving.  And so in the end, I am thankful for the hard meeting.