Conversations about Nothing

I find myself thinking about the old TV show "Seinfeld".  They called it a show about nothing.  Over the years, I have learned how to do a great job having conversations about nothing.  I had a call from Mom while I was at work again this week.  I try to respond to those as soon as I can because I know it means something has happened that has triggered her to call me.  Then it takes some investigative interviewing to figure out what it is.

I'm so thankful for the experiences God has provided over the years that allow me to slip into the therapeutic mode with Mom in these situations.  I was running errands for work, so I did what I swear I would never do and talked on my cell phone while cashing the petty cash check, buying stamps, etc.  From what I could figure out, Mom is bored.  I understand very well the personality difference between she and my Dad because it is very much like the difference between me and my husband.  I am happy as a clam to cocoon in the house with my knitting or other hobbies.  My husband likes to be around other people.  So too, my dad loves his workshop and can spend many happy hours working on a project.  My mother has always been a social butterfly and needs to be around people.  So the phone call this week was because she gets bored around the house while dad is in his workshop.  I could also see with her, what I have seen in residents at the assisted living.  They are bored and want to be busy, but the skills to self initiate a project and keep it going are gone.  I have bought my mother abstract coloring books, a journal, a book to prompt her to write about her life and the materials to paint.  But she is just not able to organize and take that first step.  And probably even if she took the first step, could not maintain concentration to keep at it.

On the one hand, my problem solving brain kicked into gear, what could be done (by me long distance) to help with her need to do something and be with people?  Secondly, but probably most important was to meet the emotional need at that time.  At one point in the conversation it went through my head, even if they were here with me, I would be gone during the day and this would still be an issue.  So I contacted the local Senior Center.  I sent the information to my dad and we will see where it goes from there.

It was interesting kind of looking in from the outside at myself, kicking into the professional mode with my own family, playing detective trying to figure out what was going on, what where the needs she was trying to fill, navigating through the same threads of conversation every 5 minutes yet finding the questions to decipher the issue at hand.  I've had lots of conversations about nothing with residents over the years.  Having worked as a counselor getting to the emotional content of conversations and not so much the actual content, I guess it is a skill I'm pretty comfortable using.  It seems pretty normal to me to go around and around and validate feelings while trying to mine for what the person is trying to express.  So when I talked with my scientist brother, it was very interesting.  He is a chemistry professor, the height of logical thought.  So the same day when Mom called him and began circling round and round, he was not as prepared with how to respond.  Yet what makes us such a good team is that with his logic, he was able to have a conversation with dad about how mom being  pretty confused all the time effects him. 

I don't care what anyone else says, if you think God does not have a plan, you are not paying attention.  Thirty years of a crazy patchwork of jobs in long term care and mental health is the best preparation for what I'm dealing with now and I hope helping other families as well.