Love and a Progressive Illness

This week my topic is not necessarily about dementia.  I am so thankful for the deep and long lasting love my parents have that prompts my dad to be a devoted caregiver.  Some times that is frustrating because I think they should move closer to me.  But I know he is committed to "taking care of our own".

This week I watched a couple in our bowling league.  In years past, the husband's mother would come to the bowling.  I could tell she had some kind of neurological disease.  She walked with a walker and had a tremor.  I don't know them well enough to know exactly what the illness is.  From my experience at the assisted living, I would guess maybe Huntington's disease.  She must have progressed because she no longer comes with them to bowling.  I look at the husband and I am guessing he has inherited the gene for whatever his mother has.  The wife is crazy competitive when it comes to bowling.  They played against our team this week.  They didn't do so well and the wife gets so angry when they don't do well.  In fact I had one person who used to be on their team say one of the reasons she quit the league bowling was because this gal is so crazy competitive.

So I heard the husband make the comment he was not doing well because he just didn't have the strength to throw the ball so it would hit right.  It was kind of a lightening bolt for me.  I got to thinking, here is a man with an illness that is going to make it almost impossible for him to continue to bowl well.  The wife is so extremely competitive.  At what point will she or will she ever, give up the competitiveness realizing he is just not going to be able to keep it up.  Certainly I'm sure he can continue to bowl and enjoy it and try to keep what muscle mass he has currently.  But it appears to be a progressive illness.  Do you suppose she realizes what kind of emotional damage her competitiveness can do to her husband?

On this day after Valentine's Day, I'm reminded that true love is so much more than the movies and greeting cards proclaim.  Here's to the couples, unknown out there, putting their love into action day after day.  That is true love.