Full Circle

I spent the day at the annual Alzheimer's Conference.  It is a conference put on by our local Alzheimer's Resource Center.  In the past, I have gone for Continuing Education Credits.  One of the speakers for today's conference I have heard several times at various CEU conferences.  I was somewhat dreading the session because I had heard him speak several times before.  While he is a good speaker,  I figured I would hear the same information I have heard before.  After he started speaking, I realized I would get more out of the session if I listened as a caregiver this time and not a long term care professional.  I think he had some new information, but at the same time, I heard different things when I listened as a daughter wanting to help my parents, rather than as the professional helping strangers.

He was giving tips on things to remember as a caregiver.  One of his tips really hit home with me.  He talked about meeting people where they are and really getting to the core of who people are, not the construct of the various roles they have had over the years.  It really hit home with me and brought me back to when I first got into long term care.  I remember feeling sad that family members could not see the person I saw at the nursing home.  Yes they needed someone to help them go to the bathroom, but there were still aspects to really appreciate and enjoy.  Because I had not known these residents in their younger, "productive: years, I was able to appreciate them for who they were at that moment.  In my 20's as a idealistic young professional, I couldn't understand where the families were coming from.

Now as a family member, I have been watching and "counting" the losses as they have mounted.  We all have been measuring what is not there any more, not looking at what is still there.  In my own, mid-life crisis of sorts, I have been wrestling with who is the person really at the core, not dependent on my success at my job, at my roles and relationships, but who am I really.  So how ironic I have to go to a conference where I finally get it from a stranger that the professional who does so well with strangers, needs to do what I do  on the job with my own mother.  But then again, another of his tips was to not wallow in regret.  So I will take his advice and be thankful that no matter how long it took me to "get it", I have.  Now to move on and help my Dad get to that place as well, and my brothers.  I thank God for His involvement in my life and giving me the experiences  that point me in the direction I need to go.