I started taking Yoga about 6 months ago. I started because my husband wanted to do something that would compliment his running. I was at first an unwilling participant. As the classes went on, I realized that the focus on the pose and breath really was extremely helpful for stress management. I have always been a worrier. And while I know it contributes to my high blood pressure and stress, it is a really difficult habit for me to break. So I am now a convert to yoga. One of the mantras of yoga is "living in the moment". That focus does so much for me to keep me from worrying, the most unproductive use of my time.
So when I look at how this impacts my life, I have to wonder about the balance between living in the moment but the need to plan ahead. I've said before, I better than anyone know what the future holds. I have found myself on several occasions, purposely pushing out the thoughts about Mom's eventual decline. I look at my residents or the loved ones of members of the support group and I know we will be there at some point. But I also know thinking about it only depresses me and does no good. Yet I am somewhat impatient with my dad for what I see as not planning ahead. With them 800 miles away, I can't be any help. He is handling things just fine now. I worry (still a work in progress for me) that his 24 hour 7 day a week caregiving will negatively impact his own health. I know one of my goals for this calendar year is to renovate 2 of our bathrooms. One needs to be done because the tub enclosure is falling apart. The other I want to do in the lower level with handicapped accessibility to prepare for my parents to come live with us. On this particular topic, I have found the balance.
But this balance shows up in other ways too. I suggested to my dad that we use their time share condo in a location close to where mom grew up, so we could enjoy it while she is still able. My youngest son is in the Air Force and stationed a long way away. Do we use our limited vacation time to see him or take what might be a last opportunity for Mom? Even longer down the road, do we go ahead and spend money on a vacation to enjoy the moment now or try to put more in our 401K's because all the experts say no one saves enough. How do you find the balance?
It seems I have been struggling with balance for most of my adult life. Trying to balance having a family and working. I don't think I did very well. Then working into having a balance of work and home with the kids grown and gone. Balancing living in the moment and enjoying what we will not have in the future as the illness progresses, versus the need to work and save for our own retirement. Once again, I am astounded by how the definition of wisdom keeps slapping me in the face as I get older. I really thought I had all the answers as a 20 something, go to college, have a great career, climb the ladder, have the perfect marriage and family. And the older I get the less I realize I know. I am thankful that I know God can use my own experience so I can then help others. If I did not have the faith that there is a greater purpose in all of this I believe I would be very depressed indeed.
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