The stage of Denial

My Dad sent all 3 of us an e-mail update on how Mom is doing.  Over the last month, he has been talking about wanting to get an MRI to see if there have been any changes.  I have hung back, trying to offer support but letting him take the direction he feels is needed.  In his e-mail he shares that the doctor was quite blunt that there was no need to do an MRI.  He has never come out and told me that they have been given a diagnosis of dementia.  But he has made a point of showing me what medication they have prescribed, which is the standard Aricept and Namenda I know is only used for dementia.  So I decided I would contact Mom's primary care doctor, who is fabulous, to find out what diagnosis was actually made.

My only regret when my parents move here is that they will no longer have their doctor.  This is the second time she has called me herself.  I don't usually get phone calls from the actual doctor even at work.  Her phone call was very helpful in seeing what is going on.  It seems that on several fronts, the primary care doc, the neurologist and the psychiatrist have all specified dementia to both my Mom and Dad.  I brought home a caregiver book for male caregivers that I had at work for the Caregiver Support Group.  On almost the first page it talked about how it is very normal for people to experience denial.

Then I did the V-8 slap to the forehead.  How could I of all people, 8 years experience in mental health and 20 in long term care, not realize there would be denial.  And I'm reminded that not only do my brothers and I have Mom and her symptoms of dementia to deal with, but Dad is going through great loss.  It just reminds me that if I can forget something as basic as the stages of grief, how much more do families who do not have my experience get overwhelmed when dealing with this illness and its effects on everyone involved.  It reminds me once again, that we are all learning every day.  Don't assume anything.  Learn from your mistakes and keep pressing on.