Stress of Leadership

I think the loss of resident recently plus personal stress is getting to me.  I feel exhausted.  Yet I know as the leader, I need to set the example for how to keep going, keep working to make our residents have the best quality of life possible.  On the other hand, I can also empathize with the stress of balancing work and family.  I doesn't matter that the majority of my workers are just above minimum wage employees.  When you are a working woman, you have to balance your work and your home life.  Will I be a better boss if I can empathize?  I don't really know.

I have not yet filled the beds vacated by our recent losses.  So on top of the feelings of loss associated with the residents and their families, we become close to the families when they are very involved, there is the stress to fill the beds.  Our owners are really wonderful people who have many years in long term care and know that there is an ebb and flow to the census.  So the pressure is mostly self inflicted.  Although my boss is pretty focused on filling beds.  After all, isn't that how we measure success in our lives?  No wonder you see depression along with dementia so often.  As a society, we do equate value of people based on what they are able to do, to perform.

My call with my parents last week echoed this theme.  I could hear the sadness and frustration in my Mom's voice.  She is frustrated because she can't do the things she used to do.  In the past, most of her self concept was based on her "career".  And it doesn't help that neither she nor my Dad have really ever been sick.  She doesn't really understand what is going on.  She keeps referring to the stroke.  And the terms she uses doesn't really change anything.  Her brain has changed.  She seems to be getting to where she is realizing she is not going to get better.  So on top of what is going on at work, I feel it is my responsibility to try to help my Mom reframe her situation and try to find the silver lining.  Oh yeah, and both of my children are moving out of state to pursue their dreams.  I'm proud of them, yet we have never before not had at least one of them in town with us.

My Bible study recently has been on the book of Ecclesiastes.  It seems to be very much in line with my current mood.  Vanity, vanity, all is vanity, a meaningless chasing after the wind.  At least in the big picture I know how the book ends.  There is a time for everything.  My mission now, is to sift through and figure out how to interpret this time in my life.