It's Never Easy to Let Go

It has been a rough month.  Earlier in the month, we had a resident have a massive heart attack and die on the spot.  Then 2 weeks later, one of our long term residents got up from the table and said she felt funny.  She has mid stage dementia, so we know she is not always the greatest in communicating what is going on, but knew that was extremely unusual, so sent her out to the emergency room.  She was diagnosed with a brain bleed and died several days later.  Her funeral was yesterday.  While she was in the hospital, I had several conversations with her family.  One of the children had said to me before that the Mom they knew was gone a long time ago.  They could see glimpses of the person they once knew once in a while, but for the most part were committed to providing the best care for the body that was once their mother.  Even though she had been "gone" for a long time, it was so hard to see her children and how hard it was on them.  Certainly when we care for someone for several years, we become attached and it is hard to say good bye as well.  I could tell myself and also discussed with the family how a massive bleed like that was relatively quick and she did not seem to experience pain.  And some comfort knowing she did not get to where she was basically a physical shell, having total care provided.

Which is the other side of the coin.  Another resident took a rapid turn for the worse recently.  Both his family and our staff feel certain it is the result of depression related to unresolved family relationship.  But he had come to the point very quickly that he needed more care than we can provide in assisted living.  It was hard for everyone, well except him maybe.  The family wanted him to stay in assisted living as long as possible.  He had gone to the in patient geriatric psychiatric unit to see if the depression would respond to a change in medication.  But he continued to decline and just seemed to have given up.  Even though we know he needs to go where he will get the appropriate level of care, it is hard to watch someone you have grown to care about decline.

I guess I should remind myself that if we did not truly care about our residents, it would not matter to us.  But we do care about them and do become attached and it is hard to say good bye.  I can only hope that I have fulfilled my mission to provide the best quality of life for these residents during the time they stay with us.  And knowing that may take some of the sting out of losing them.