Lessons from Unusual Places

One of the things I love about my job is learning from elders.  I love to learn about history from those who lived it.  This week I learned a valuable lesson about the roles of child and parent.  I come from a long line of people who think our way is the only "right" way.  So you can imagine what happens when something comes up and we have different opinions on what should be done.  I have taken it upon myself to be the coordinator of what is going on with our parents.  I send out e-mails with my observations, my interpretation of what is going on and of course what I think needs to be done.  I don't usually appreciate it at the time, but one of my brothers is the voice of "take a step back".  Sometimes I think he errs on the side of not taking enough action.  But this week his view point was confirmed by one of my residents.  She is going to be moving to another facility because it is cheaper.  She is not happy about it.  She told me the other day, "when your children are young, you make the decisions for them.  When you get old, your children make decisions for you."  She went on to tell me "when your children are young they step on your feet, when they get older they step on your heart."  What a powerful reminder that not only are there more than one "right" way to do most things, but that sometimes the relationship is more important than the task at hand.

I of all people should know better.  I am the one always telling the staff that when our residents get upset, we need to remember how much they have lost, their homes, their health, their ability to make so many decisions.  I am so thankful for my brother's point of view, my resident confirming it, and the ability for me to learn from this situation.  When the time comes, I will step in and make decisions because I have Power of Attorney.  But until then, I need to step back and support my father just like I support the families of my residents.