I was at the grocery store yesterday and noticed an elderly man doing the grocery shopping. Not so strange until I caught up with him several aisles later and saw that he had his wife with him. She had a walker and was sitting in it. He would push his cart and shop, then go back and get her and she would walk with him to the next section. I saw what my dad will be in a few years. Since my husband retired from the army and we live near an army post, I use the grocery store on post. Everyone in it is either retired military or active duty.
This man was about my dad's age, I'm guessing, 80 something. Possibly old enough to have been in World War II, certainly the right age to have been in the Korean War. He was slight built like my dad and about 5 foot 8. Like my dad, a proud man who wanted to be independent. Taking care of his wife at the same time as doing the chores that go along with life. I think about men like this. Men who have served their country, men who have risked their lives. And at this stage of life, they want to continue to be the strong, independent men they have been all their lives and do it all. Do they know this is the hardest battle they will fight? Instead of being a partner, they are now the caregiver for their wife. They have their own health problems and if not too bad, certainly are not in the state of health they once were. Yet like my dad, I'm sure this man does not want his children "helping" either. I'm a helper by nature. Yet I'm having the greatest challenge in finding the balance. How do I help, yet not take over, not take away the independence and decisions even when I think I know best.
I thank God for opportunities like yesterday to see the picture at a further perspective, not so close as it is with your own family. I hope it will help me to make the best decisions on what I should do and what I should stay out of.
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